5 of My Favorite Verses

1) Psalms 9:1 

I love this verse and its beautiful reminder to give thanks to the Lord.

 2) Jeremiah 29:11 

I love the promise in this verse that God has plans for me, not to harm me.

3) Matthew 11:28

I love everything about this verse. When I feel weary and overworked I always come back to this verse and remember to turn to Him.

4) Philippians 4:6 

Be anxious for nothing.... A really hard thing to master, but this verse holds truths I need to learn and store away in my heart to remember in my times or anxiety and need. 

5) Hebrews 6:19

I memorized this verse during our most recent deployment. I repeated it often and had it on my mirror as a reminder of God's promises and the hope He brings us. 

Thanksgiving Blessings

Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings, see what God has done.
~Count Your Blessings Johnson Oatman, Jr.

Some of my favorite blessings

Thanksgiving is a day that we have set aside to count our blessings. We tend to celebrate this day with friends, family, and other loved ones. Being a military wife we have had some interesting Thanksgiving celebrations. 

Last year Little Bear and I celebrated Thanksgiving by ourselves. We had finger foods and watched Christmas movies all day. It was a nice relaxing day. We spent it together thinking of Popeye and talking about how grateful we are to have him out protecting our country and our freedoms. 

Several years, Little Bear and I have gone "home" to visit family while Popeye was gone. A couple of years ago we were blessed to meet my niece for the first time and celebrate Thanksgiving at my brother's house. The blessing of Thanksgiving with family is always nice. 

We have also had years that Popeye was home. Some of these Thanksgivings, we celebrated as a family of three. Others we hosted Thanksgiving for relatives. One year we hosted some friends from Popeye's work that could not go home for Thanksgiving. 

Little Bear's First Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time to remember all the good things in life. God has blessed my family so much. He has given us the blessing of love. Popeye and I have a wonderful marriage. Little Bear is a joy to us and our family. He is such a happy kid and always makes us laugh. We have love of our family both near and far. 

God has blessed us with faith. We have hope even in the hard times God will bless us and watch over us. God has given us a wonderful church family. They encourage us and pray for us. 

God has blessed us with health. Even with gastroparesis, things could be so much worse. I am thankful that God has given me the energy and health to enjoy life and enjoy family. 

Today and everyday be thankful. Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving with Skype

Grandparent's for Thanksgiving

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; his love endures forever.
1 Chronicles 16:34 

A Loving Kid with a Big-Heart and a Lot of Faith

A couple of weeks ago, Sunday morning church both wonderful and emotional. It started like every other Sunday morning does. I was dragging because I hate mornings and am never ready to get up. Little Bear and Popeye were up and ready long before I was. We left for church and were only a couple of minutes late for Sunday School. I blame traffic, not really it was all me and my slowness.

This Sunday was a special service at our church. It was our celebration of All Saint's Day. They read a list of names of our church members that passed away during the last year and they lit candles for them. After this, we had a time for people to speak the names of family members and friends who have passed away in the last year.

I have been extra tearful lately, I blame hormones, but the tears started rolling down my face and I could not speak. Little Bear looks at me and whispers "say her name mom." When he realized I couldn't say it for my tears he shyly says "Great Grandma." Then, he whispers to us "I don't know her real name." Popeye told him and Little Bear said it quietly just as the prayer started.

The next thing Little Bear did was crawl into my lap and hug me tight until my tears stopped flowing. Then, sweet Little Bear looked into my eyes and apologized for messing up her name. I whispered to him that he did well and thank you and hugged my big-hearted boy tight.

Later in the service, we had the Lord's Supper. Little Bear accepted Jesus several years ago but has always been in children's church when we have done the Lord's Supper. This was the first time he participated in it. I whispered as much explanation as I could about how and why we do it. When the tray of tiny, gross, dry crackers (you know you have had that thought, too) came around, I reminded him to only touch ONE cracker and then I told him they are dry, hard, and do not taste good. I also told him not to make any ugly faces or say anything about how bad they taste.

The time came to eat our bread and the look on Little Bear's face was one of dismay and disgust and trying really hard to hide it. He chewed and chewed trying to finish the tiny piece of cracker. When he finally swallowed it down, he looked at me and whispered: "You were right, Mom, they are bad."

The best part of Sunday came when Little Bear walked down the aisle to make a profession of faith and ask to be baptized. He was shy and nervous so he took Popeye and me with him. He talked to the pastor about his decision and our church welcomed him with open arms. Little Bear was shy about standing up in front of everyone and having everyone stare at him. When people came up to shake his hand after the service, my Little Bear was in his element. He loved shaking hands and talking to everyone. He even asked me if he could do that part again sometime.

So, all in all, our Sunday was beautiful. Our Little Bear is turning into a loving kid with a big-heart and a lot of faith.

Overwhelmed

Do you ever feel really overwhelmed? I am at that point right now. I feel like I have so many irons in the fire that I do not know how I will ever get everything done. It is pretty rough lately. I know I am not as busy as some people, but I am overwhelmed

My irons have grown in the last few months since Popeye got home. Since Popeye got home laundry multiplied immensely, along with other chores. I also started working again for the first time in years. I work from home, but it is still not something I am used to. I enjoy the work. Freelance writing is fun, but it is something that takes away from what had been my normal schedule for years.

I have also taken on some things like being an assistant den leader for Little Bear's den. Then, there are projects like finishing the bathrooms, sealing the tile floors in the rest of the house, and then cleaning up after we get it all done. I am ready to have my house back to normal instead of being torn apart. Soon, I hope, it will all be done.

One of my many irons

To help combat the overwhelmed feeling I have made myself a schedule. The first part of my day begins with getting Little Bear off to school. After that, I come home and take my morning nap. I know, I know, most of you think a morning nap sounds crazy, but with my gastroparesis, I need a morning nap to function the rest of the day without biting anyone's head off or falling asleep mid-afternoon.

My writing work doesn't take too long most days so I am scheduling it for my mornings and early afternoons. I usually try to get it done around lunch time. I schedule chores and painting for the afternoons. Then, I plan my time for making dinner and doing laundry in the evenings.

Having a schedule really helps, but even more than having a schedule, I have found that starting my day off right helps most. On days I start with reading my Bible and having some quality prayer or my devotional time I have a much better and more productive day. I am in an online Bible study group that I love. When I keep up with that I do much better at keeping up with all the other things in life. Working on my relationship with God helps me control my stress and anxiety and I need all the help I can get with that.

They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 

Luke 6:48  

To Everything There is a Season

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which has been planted;

Ecclesiastes 3: 3-2 

It has been one year since my grandma left this world. When she left this world she went home and has spent the last year in heavenly bliss. She is with Jesus and my grandpa. I am torn between joy for her eternal happiness and sadness for my own loss.

I won't deny that this year has been difficult. I still have moments when I pick up the phone and realize as soon as I do that I cannot call her. It seems silly and a little crazy. It's not like I have forgotten she is gone, it is just habit, I suppose. After years of calling her almost weekly, it seems strange to have gone for one year without hearing her voice.

The hardest times have been around the holidays and around special family days. Then, there are the days when Little Bear and I went home and we normally would have visited, but instead we drove straight through the town she lived in. My heart broke again as we drove through without a reason to stop.

My grandma was a special lady. She adored me... and I don't really know why. I was always a smart aleck and sarcastic. I enjoyed her even when I thought she was a little nutty or a little mean. We had moments that we argued, but that never kept us from loving each other.

My grandma loved her family, but sometimes I don't think she knew how to show it. She was often harsh with all of us. She said hurtful things and meant them. It was her own style of blunt honesty. I often have wondered where I got that quality, but now I know.

The thing I admired most about my grandma is her faith. I don't remember her talking about her faith too much as a kid. As an adult, she frequently told me about God and how he blessed her. She loved him. She had a great faith and that faith filled her with peace, especially near the end.

I pray that my faith will blossom and grow as her's did. I pray when my time comes I can be at peace with my life and ready to join my Savior in heaven. In the meantime, I will read His Word and draw peace and hope from the Bible and the example of those who have gone before me.

Some Simple Ways to Help Our Veterans

As a military wife, veterans have a special place in my heart. We all know military life is hard on its members and their families. Veterans have been through things most of us could never imagine. I am grateful for all the work they do. I am grateful for their sacrifices, even when those sacrifices make life hard.

Many of our countries veterans need help, Often they try to hide that they need help. Even if you do not know anyone who has served in our countries armed forces there are a few things you can do to show your support.

 1) Pray for them. 

A friend of the family always says "Praying is the most and the least you can do for someone." You don't have to know a person to pray for them and prayer can always help. 

2) Write a letter or send a package. 

There are several organizations that can connect you with veterans. Operation Gratitude has several ways to connect with veterans as well as active-duty service members. They have a lot of other volunteer opportunities you can check out.

You can also share letters with veterans through A Million Thanks. They have some sample letters available on their websites. 

3) Share their lives. 

If you know a veteran with a wonderful story you can share that story as part of the Veterans History Project. The Veterans History Project is a really great project that helps people to preserve and collect stories and record them. There are lots of forms to fill out and information to help you prepare for interviewing the veterans. The project will help to tell the stories of veterans who served in many of the wars the US has been involved with. When the stories are completed they can be turned in to the Library of Congress to be archived for generations to come. 

4) Spend time with some veterans. 

Often times you can visit veterans at your local VA hospitals. You can also sit and talk with veterans through many local organizations in your area. A great organization to volunteer with is DAV. They have many opportunities to volunteer such as hospital visits and driving disabled veterans to appointments.  

5) Help build homes for troops. 

Homes for Troops is an awesome organization that provides help building or renovating homes for wounded veterans and service members. If you cannot physically help with their projects you can make donations through their website. 

Take this Veteran's Day and thank a veteran. Show them you care! 

Worthy in His Eyes

Growing up we were in church every Sunday and Wednesday and almost any time someone was at church. We were there all the time. My mom was the church secretary for years and my dad was a deacon.

I accepted Jesus when I was in the fourth grade. My brother walked down the aisle to accept Jesus on Sunday morning. Our Sunday lunch conversation that day revolved around his decision to become a Christian. That lunchtime conversation tugged at my heart. That evening I walked down the aisle and made my public profession of faith. From that moment on I was a daughter of Christ. 

As a youth I helped with Vacation Bible School. I went to camp and to all the youth group events. I enjoyed church. I loved going. I brought friends when I could and I was always inviting people to church. 

In college, I regularly shared my faith with my friends. I spent my first two years of college going to a Christian College, although a different denomination than I was raised in. I went to chapel during the week. I found a sense of peace and belonging fellowshipping with other believers. 

When I married my ex-husband, I went through the adult RCIA Catholic Classes. I was confirmed, although now I look back and admit I should not have been. I never agreed with all the things I learned there. I never went to confession. I did not ever pray a Hail Mary or a prayer to the saints. Catholicism was not for me. 

Somewhere in the midst of "becoming" Catholic, my grandpa passing away, getting married and divorced, I lost my way. I was angry... at myself and at God. I was angry for the way my life turned out. I was angry at the awkward unwelcome feeling I got every time I went to mass. All these things were my own doing. The only one that was not my fault was my grandpa's cancer and death and that was just a sad fact of life.

During that time of my life, I fled. I ran from God and church. I was no longer going to the Catholic church, but going to my home church, the church I grew up in I felt just as lost. My anger and discouraged heart kept me from feeling at home there. The people there loved me, just as they always had, but I felt alone. 

I wanted nothing to do with God or His people. I blamed Him for my life being a mess. I was angry that he had not closed the doors that led me into distress and a broken heart. On the rare occassion, I was on speaking terms with God I ranted and I raved at Him. How could He let this happen to me?

I moved away from home after a while. Almost eighteen months after my divorce began, I walked into a church for the first time on my own. I walked out of church an hour or so later feeling blessed. I felt God speaking to me. I don't remember the sermon that day, but I remember feeling like the message was meant for me. It was there in that church six hours from home, one of the only white people in the building, that God spoke to my heart so much that I felt at home and at peace for the first time in years.  

God had been calling me to Him for a while, but I had been unwilling to listen. I made a huge mess of my life and made more mistakes than I could ever count. I hurt myself and the people I loved, but God loved me enough to wait out my anger. He was there when I was ready to drag my good for nothing carcass back to Him. He found me, a sinner who had ranted and raved and yelled at Him, worthy in His eyes. His love is great enough to cover all my sins.

During my mid-twenties and just when I thought I had life under control, I was diagnosed with a stomach condition called gastroparesis. I was no longer healthy. I was weak and tired and sick as a dog. I didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone and even when I did I didn't have the energy to do it. It was during this time in my life that I picked up my Bible or at least my Bible app on my phone. I read the One Year Bible plans two years in a row.

During those two years I found myself drawing nearer to God. Even in my illness I could call on Him. No matter how bad I felt He was there waiting for me. When I felt alone and lost and too sick to call on anyone else God heard my prayers. He comforted my heart in a way no living person could.

My illness has been a blessing in disguise. Yup, you read that right... My gastroparesis changed my life drastically and I pretty much hate it, but it drew me nearer to God and my family than anything ever had. It made me realize how much I needed God daily. 

I still make stupid mistakes, sin, and skip church... more often than I would like to admit, but I know my Savior is always there. Through the valleys and hills in my life God is with me, loving me, strengthening, me and encouraging me all along the way. 

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11 

Blessed

God has blessed me in many ways but recently while I was on the phone with my grandma I realized again how blessed I am that at over 30 I still have two living grandparents. I also was blessed to have my paternal grandparents around into my adult life as well. Most of my friends growing up only had one or two of their grandparents in their lives. I am so happy I had mine.

My dad's parents lived close by when I was growing up. My grandparents were retired since long before I was born so they had a lot of time on their hands. We spent a lot of time at their house or at least looking back it feels like a lot of time. They loved their family. They loved to have a bunch of relatives over for cookouts and get together's. My brother and I learned to fish with my dad and my grandpa. My grandma took me shopping. They took us to the fair and the park. They came to Grandparent's Day events at school. They were great. I had an unexplainable bond with my Grandma. I don't quite understand it, but I will always be grateful for her. I learned a lot from my grandmother, even if it was sometimes about how not to treat people. My grandfather passed away when I was 23. My grandmother passed away last fall. They are missed often.

My mom's parents lived a little farther away, but still close enough that we saw them regularly. My grandfather was a farmer and a cattle rancher. My grandmother was
a school secretary. They have worked hard for most of their lives. I remember going to the farm during different times of the year and watching the crops grow. I got to ride in the combine. I also got to help my grandma take meals to the field. I admire their hard work. I see the hardships they went through as farmers. They took what they had and they made sure their kids had what they needed. They scrimped and saved to provide for their family. Their lives were not easy, but they persevered. They love God, they love their family and they love their country. The toughed out the hardships together. They came to visit for all the important events in our lives. They came for our baptisms. They showed us we were important even though they were busy and had a lot going on in their lives.

Not only am I blessed to have known my four grandparents related by blood, but I have had the honor of knowing two of Popeye's grandparents. Popeye's grandfather was ill when I met him. He was living with my in-laws. I didn't know him well, but I enjoyed him. He was happy to be with his loved ones. He loved his kids and his grandkids. He laughed easily with them, he had fun and made jokes. He was thrilled to meet his first great grandson. Before Little Bear was born he sent us what is possibly the ugliest stuffed animal I have ever seen. It was a splotchy rainbow colored creature, but we loved it because he got it for Little Bear. He passed away about 18 months after Popeye and I were married.

I am also blessed to have Popeye's maternal grandmother in my life. She has adopted me as her own. I love her dearly. She is a talker like me. We get along fabulously. We laugh together regularly. She is one of a kind. She would give up anything to help her loved ones. She is generous and loving. She brings joy to our lives. I am so glad I can call her my Grandma now, too.

Then, I have more grandparents that are grandparents by choice. These are the elderly people I got to know through church. If you count all my grandparents by choice I have more sets of grandparents than any woman deserves. These people helped to mold me and make me the woman I am today. They have all been through struggles in life and gotten through them with a shining example. Some of these men and women have gone home to be with our Lord. I am truly grateful for the love and encouragement they shared with me.

The title of this post is "Blessed" for a reason. I am blessed beyond measure. Many people go their entire lives without a grandparent of any kind in their lives. I am grateful that I grew up with four grandparents, by blood, to guide me and encourage me, to be there when I fell to hold me when I cried, to laugh with me in good times, and help me laugh in bad times. I am thankful for my grandparents by marriage, they have blessed me more than they can imagine in the short years they have been part of my life. The blessing of grandparents by choice is a special one. They loved me enough to chose me to be in their lives. That's truly amazing. I am so thankful to have a life filled with the blessings of grandparents.

Divorce Was Not in My Plans

Looking for love in all the wrong places....

My best friend was a light in the dark during this time of heartache.

That was me as a young adult. I wanted to be in love and get married and live happily ever after, but I repeatedly found real losers. For a time I was married to one of those losers. My first marriage lasted less than two years. We were both miserable with each other. We were not good for each other at all. Looking back I see how little we had in common. When we got married I thought we had a lot in common... I didn't look hard enough at the important things. We agreed on very little, but we thought like all starry eyed kids do, that we could make it work. We were 21 and thought things would just go our way... They didn't.

My Family - Love - Support - Encouragement

When we got divorced I was devastated... It was not my choice, although I cannot say I had not thought about it. I would have stuck it out longer, not because I wanted to stay married and miserable, but because divorce was never in my plans. I was a good Christian girl from a family that had few divorces in its history. Divorce just wasn't the way I planned my life. I wanted things to work and be easy. I was not prepared for the harsh reality of marriage or marriage to the wrong person.

Marriage is hard. From the rubble and ruin of my first marriage, I learned a lot, about marriage and about myself.

• I am strong enough to survive. 
• God is with me, always. 
• Don't be fake. Lying to yourself about things you like does not make a good foundation for marriage.
• Be willing to compromise. 
• Don't give up the things that are most important to you, but be willing to share and talk about things. 
• I learned that I didn't need to be looking for love. I found love when I least expected it. 
• Communicate... I mean really communicate. 
• Letters, Talking, Email, Texting. Figure out what works for you and your spouse. 
• Make sure your core beliefs are the same or at least close enough that you are not losing what makes you who you are. 
• Keep your friends and family close. Having them close gives you a sounding board, free advice, support, and encouragement. 
• Listen to your friends and family. If they tell you the person you are dating or about to marry is bad for you, they most likely have a really good reason. 

Popeye, My Husband, who loves me even at my worst.

Since my divorce, I found love. I have been married for 8 years. I would not be the wife I am now if I had not been through the trials and hardship of my first marriage and divorce. Because of my divorce, I look at marriage with new eyes. I see things differently and I can appreciate things I would not have noticed before.


A little side note, I really struggled to write this post. After it was written I have struggled with posting it. It has been sitting here waiting to be posted for weeks. I showed it to my sweet Popeye last week and he gave me his blessing to share it, but I still have avoided posting it. I don't like to share this hard time of my life. I hope that someone else can learn from my mistakes. If you are there right now or have been there in the past, know I am praying for you. People love you and people care about you and your struggles. 

I Yam What I Yam

For years now, I have defined myself by my roles in life. My main roles in life are Navy wife and Mom. While those are great and I love being a wife and a mom, I am more than that. Sometimes, I find myself so wrapped up in those jobs that I feel like I forgotten who I am and what I love.

I am a Navy Wife and have been for most of the last decade. Navy life changes everything. It changes the way you look at life and the lifestyle you live.

I am Mama Bear. Little Bear is wonderful. He brings me great joy. I love taking care of him and hanging out with him. Little Bear keeps me on my toes all the time.

Those are the biggest roles I play in life and honestly, they are sometimes the hardest shoes to fill. I am also a daughter, a sister, a daughter-in-law. There are days where I have it all together and there are days where I look like I am doing great at all my jobs. Then, there are days where I feel like (and look like) a complete and total mess.

These days where I feel like a mess are some of the days that bring me to the realization that I need to make time for me. I need to do what I love sometimes. The last deployment set things into motion for me to find who I am and who I want to be.

Here is some of what I found...

I am a Christian. I love God. I am a believer that Jesus, the son of God, came and died for my sins. He rose on the third day. Without Him, I would be nothing. He is my Savior and my strength.

I am a Navy Wife. I have gotten to the point in life where I can embrace this role. For years, I tried to shun this role, to pretend that being a Navy wife was no different than being a wife, but it is. My husband is amazing, but he is also gone, a lot. I love him and I support him in his work, even when it makes life hard. Our relationship brings me joy and peace, but Navy life is not for everyone. We do our best to jump through the hurdles of change and stress and deployments together. We work to communicate together to the best of our abilities and as much as time and internet usage allows.

I am Mama Bear. Little Bear is a source of constant upheaval, but he is also one of my greatest sources of encouragement. I have taught him many things. I have cared for him when he is sick. I have hugged him when he is sad. He has taught me that I need to be more joyful, even when life is hard.

I am a survivor. I survived hyperemesis gravidarum when I was pregnant with Little Bear. I survive gastroparesis on a daily basis. I will not give up. Life may throw health issues no one has heard of at me, but I will keep living life to the best of my ability until God calls me home.

I am a writer, maybe not the greatest writer, but writing has helped me find my voice. It has helped me to be encouraging. It has given me ways to express myself, my passions, my discouragements, my shortcomings. Writing brought Papa Bear and me closer together during deployment. It has given me a better relationship with family far away. Writing lets me share who I am.

I am a huge fan of steam trains. I will happily ride them all, but the Cumbres & Toltec Scenic Railroad is my favorite and always will be. I dreamed of being a fireman on the train as a kid/teenager. As an adult, I realize how much work that really is. Now I just dream of extended vacations so I could put my Friends of the Cumbres & Toltec membership to good use during work weeks.

I am more than all these things, but these are the core of who I am. I have learned that the roles I have taken on are part of who I am. They are part of what makes me, me. They are more than jobs. They are things to be embraced and cherished. The role of wife and mom have helped me to find myself, to find my strengths and weaknesses and build on them and grow. Finding me again is work, but it is worth it to remember who I am.  

I am not perfect, nor am I always stable. My life is a hectic mess. I am disorganized and always have a lot on my plate. I am sarcastic, bluntly honest, and very impatient. I do not like change. I am kind and I am caring. I love my friends and family and would help them in any way possible. You can love me or hate me, but as my husband and Popeye would say "I yam what I yam."

We Will Meet Again Someday

Eight months ago my Grandma went to the hospital for shortness of breath. They said her heart was failing and there was nothing they could do. She was dying and my heart was breaking. My life was a hectic mess at the time and due to extenuating circumstances, I couldn't go home to see her.

She was in the hospital for five days. The time came where we knew we needed to say goodbye. Thank goodness for modern technology. My parents were at the hospital with her and my mom had her iPhone so Little Bear and I got to FaceTime with her.

My Grandma was not good with technology. She was always amazed by videos and pictures on people's phones. She was even more amazed by live videos. We could talk to her and see her and she could see us just as we were.

Grandma talked about all kinds of things. She was on a roll that day. Everyone had come to visit her. She had gotten to see some of her kids, some of her grandkids, and some of her great-grandkids that day, and she got to FaceTime with us. She was happy. For someone in the hospital, she was extremely joyful. You could tell she didn't feel great, but she was happy. Her loved ones had gathered around her as best as they could over the last few days.

My Grandma, she knew where she was going when she was done in this world. She was going home, to heaven. She was going to be with her Lord and Savior, and her beloved husband. She was at peace with the world.

As we talked, I knew she was ready to go and it would not be long now and I knew she knew it, too. The whole conversation I laughed and talked with her, but as soon as it ended the tears came. Less than two days later, my Grandma had left this world. Heaven had gained an angel that day. Papa Bear and I celebrated her life at the beach that day. She loved the beach. We found some great shells that day. She would have been thrilled with my treasures.

I miss her always. I find myself tearing up more often than I would like to admit. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have picked up the phone to call her only to realize that it is not possible. While I miss her I know she is in a better place and we will meet again someday, but that does not stop me from longing to talk to her again here on earth.

A Poem that Speaks to My Heart

The last two years have been hard on our family. Life has changed completely for us. We moved across the country. Little Bear finished first grade this year. Papa Bear went from always being home to being out of town a lot. I went from feeling like I had a purpose in life and jobs to do all the time taking care of Little Bear day in and day out and cooking big meals for our family of three. When we moved, school started and Papa Bear's work trips started, I felt like I hardly knew myself. I didn't know what to do with my time alone. I didn't know who I was or how to go about life without my normal routine and jobs.

Then, I accidentally stumbled upon this poem on FaceBook. I cannot find the exact source of this poem. The internet attributes it to Corrie ten Boom or Anonymous. No matter who wrote it, I love it.

Life is but a Weaving

by Corrie ten Boom

My life is but a weaving

Between my God and me

I cannot chose the colors

He weaveth steadily.

Oft' times he weaveth sorrow;

And I in foolish pride

Forget he sees the upper

And I the underside.

Not 'til the loom is silent

And the shuttles cease to fly

Will God unroll the canvas

And reveal the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful

In the weaver's skillful hand

As the threads of gold and silver

In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares;

Nothing this truth can dim.

He gives the very best to those

Who leave the choice to Him.

This poem really spoke to my heart. Corrie ten Boom had a much harder life than I do. She had been through things I cannot even imagine. With everything she had been through she had faith that because she loved the Lord things would work for His good.

I don't weave, but I embroider. This same theory applies to embroidery. The front of pieces are lovely, but the backs can be a mess. What I see as a mess in my life can turn into a beautiful picture.

These last two years I have read and reread this poem many times. It reminds me of God's faithfulness. He is faithful in all things. There may be changes in life and hardship, but he will see us through. He will see us through countless separations, illness, changes in life and routines, and trying to figure out who we are. Even though I see a mess, He has a plan for that mess and the final results will be worth the troubles. I am so thankful for God's plan, whatever it may be.