Divorce Was Not in My Plans

Looking for love in all the wrong places....

My best friend was a light in the dark during this time of heartache.

That was me as a young adult. I wanted to be in love and get married and live happily ever after, but I repeatedly found real losers. For a time I was married to one of those losers. My first marriage lasted less than two years. We were both miserable with each other. We were not good for each other at all. Looking back I see how little we had in common. When we got married I thought we had a lot in common... I didn't look hard enough at the important things. We agreed on very little, but we thought like all starry eyed kids do, that we could make it work. We were 21 and thought things would just go our way... They didn't.

My Family - Love - Support - Encouragement

When we got divorced I was devastated... It was not my choice, although I cannot say I had not thought about it. I would have stuck it out longer, not because I wanted to stay married and miserable, but because divorce was never in my plans. I was a good Christian girl from a family that had few divorces in its history. Divorce just wasn't the way I planned my life. I wanted things to work and be easy. I was not prepared for the harsh reality of marriage or marriage to the wrong person.

Marriage is hard. From the rubble and ruin of my first marriage, I learned a lot, about marriage and about myself.

• I am strong enough to survive. 
• God is with me, always. 
• Don't be fake. Lying to yourself about things you like does not make a good foundation for marriage.
• Be willing to compromise. 
• Don't give up the things that are most important to you, but be willing to share and talk about things. 
• I learned that I didn't need to be looking for love. I found love when I least expected it. 
• Communicate... I mean really communicate. 
• Letters, Talking, Email, Texting. Figure out what works for you and your spouse. 
• Make sure your core beliefs are the same or at least close enough that you are not losing what makes you who you are. 
• Keep your friends and family close. Having them close gives you a sounding board, free advice, support, and encouragement. 
• Listen to your friends and family. If they tell you the person you are dating or about to marry is bad for you, they most likely have a really good reason. 

Popeye, My Husband, who loves me even at my worst.

Since my divorce, I found love. I have been married for 8 years. I would not be the wife I am now if I had not been through the trials and hardship of my first marriage and divorce. Because of my divorce, I look at marriage with new eyes. I see things differently and I can appreciate things I would not have noticed before.


A little side note, I really struggled to write this post. After it was written I have struggled with posting it. It has been sitting here waiting to be posted for weeks. I showed it to my sweet Popeye last week and he gave me his blessing to share it, but I still have avoided posting it. I don't like to share this hard time of my life. I hope that someone else can learn from my mistakes. If you are there right now or have been there in the past, know I am praying for you. People love you and people care about you and your struggles.