I Yam What I Yam

For years now, I have defined myself by my roles in life. My main roles in life are Navy wife and Mom. While those are great and I love being a wife and a mom, I am more than that. Sometimes, I find myself so wrapped up in those jobs that I feel like I forgotten who I am and what I love.

I am a Navy Wife and have been for most of the last decade. Navy life changes everything. It changes the way you look at life and the lifestyle you live.

I am Mama Bear. Little Bear is wonderful. He brings me great joy. I love taking care of him and hanging out with him. Little Bear keeps me on my toes all the time.

Those are the biggest roles I play in life and honestly, they are sometimes the hardest shoes to fill. I am also a daughter, a sister, a daughter-in-law. There are days where I have it all together and there are days where I look like I am doing great at all my jobs. Then, there are days where I feel like (and look like) a complete and total mess.

These days where I feel like a mess are some of the days that bring me to the realization that I need to make time for me. I need to do what I love sometimes. The last deployment set things into motion for me to find who I am and who I want to be.

Here is some of what I found...

I am a Christian. I love God. I am a believer that Jesus, the son of God, came and died for my sins. He rose on the third day. Without Him, I would be nothing. He is my Savior and my strength.

I am a Navy Wife. I have gotten to the point in life where I can embrace this role. For years, I tried to shun this role, to pretend that being a Navy wife was no different than being a wife, but it is. My husband is amazing, but he is also gone, a lot. I love him and I support him in his work, even when it makes life hard. Our relationship brings me joy and peace, but Navy life is not for everyone. We do our best to jump through the hurdles of change and stress and deployments together. We work to communicate together to the best of our abilities and as much as time and internet usage allows.

I am Mama Bear. Little Bear is a source of constant upheaval, but he is also one of my greatest sources of encouragement. I have taught him many things. I have cared for him when he is sick. I have hugged him when he is sad. He has taught me that I need to be more joyful, even when life is hard.

I am a survivor. I survived hyperemesis gravidarum when I was pregnant with Little Bear. I survive gastroparesis on a daily basis. I will not give up. Life may throw health issues no one has heard of at me, but I will keep living life to the best of my ability until God calls me home.

I am a writer, maybe not the greatest writer, but writing has helped me find my voice. It has helped me to be encouraging. It has given me ways to express myself, my passions, my discouragements, my shortcomings. Writing brought Papa Bear and me closer together during deployment. It has given me a better relationship with family far away. Writing lets me share who I am.

I am a huge fan of steam trains. I will happily ride them all, but the Cumbres & Toltec Scenic Railroad is my favorite and always will be. I dreamed of being a fireman on the train as a kid/teenager. As an adult, I realize how much work that really is. Now I just dream of extended vacations so I could put my Friends of the Cumbres & Toltec membership to good use during work weeks.

I am more than all these things, but these are the core of who I am. I have learned that the roles I have taken on are part of who I am. They are part of what makes me, me. They are more than jobs. They are things to be embraced and cherished. The role of wife and mom have helped me to find myself, to find my strengths and weaknesses and build on them and grow. Finding me again is work, but it is worth it to remember who I am.  

I am not perfect, nor am I always stable. My life is a hectic mess. I am disorganized and always have a lot on my plate. I am sarcastic, bluntly honest, and very impatient. I do not like change. I am kind and I am caring. I love my friends and family and would help them in any way possible. You can love me or hate me, but as my husband and Popeye would say "I yam what I yam."

Lemon Gingermint Tea

I have been a fan of herbal teas since I was a kid. Back then I only drank them because I like them. Now, as an adult, I have some stomach issues and I drink herbal teas with ginger and mint because they help with those symptoms. I typically drink a ginger peppermint tea but was looking for a change. I didn’t know what to expect with this tea since I had never had lemon balm, lemon grass, or black pepper in a tea. My first order of business when I opened the bag was to smell it. This loose leaf tea has a wonderfully fresh aroma. The citrus scents from the lemon grass, lemon balm, and lemon peel combined with the spicy of the mint, ginger, and pepper are a heavenly combination.

I have been drinking at least one cup of this tea a night. It helps with my stomach symptoms. It smells and tastes nice. It also has a huge benefit that my previous tea does not. This tea is wonderful cold as well as hot. The lemon flavors give it an amazing taste that works well at all temperatures. If you like a sweeter tea you can add a little bit of honey to this tea. The honey mixed with the herbs is wonderful when you have sinus issues or a cold. The combination really helps when I have a sore or scratchy throat.

When I make this tea, I put just over one teaspoon of the loose leaf tea into my tea ball and pour hot water from the tea kettle over it. I usually let it steep ten minutes more or less, usually more because I regularly forget about my tea while I do other stuff. The tea is a nice golden color and like I said earlier the flavor is pleasant hot or cold so even when I forget about it for an hour or more I can happily drink it when I remember.

You can buy this lemon gingermint tea here. 

I received a discount on this item. All opinions expressed are 100% my own.  

Church, Mud, and a Radio Flyer Wagon

From the time I was in 4th grade until... well, forever, my family was one of those families that were at church every time the doors were open. For a few years, my mom was the church secretary. That meant my brother and I spent a lot of time at church during the summer. I mean A LOT of time at our church.

We went to work with Mom frequently those years. I was probably around 12 or 13; my brother is two years younger. We had a love-hate relationship with this arrangement. Some days it was extremely boring and other days we made the best of it by running wild. We explored the church so that we knew every nook and cranny and every inch of the seven or so acres of property the church owned.

Back when we were cute enough and small enough to play in the wagon

On the rare occasion that we had a good rain we would have major mud fights with whatever neighborhood kids wandered up. They were in the process of clearing trees and creating a walking trail on part of the property so there was lots of mud. It was the sticky kind of mud, the kind that you can throw easily. When you push someone down into it, it sticks everywhere. My Momma was not happy that day. I can only imagine how we must have looked. She knew we were playing outside, but she did not know what we were playing outside. It was a blast until she called us to come in. It was one of those calls where she yelled and we ignored her... repeatedly. When we finally did go in the angry and slightly horrified look on her face was enough to show we had made a bad, bad decision.

Old enough to know better, but reckless enough to crash the wagon

Our church sat on the top of a hill. The parking lot was at the bottom of the hill and there was a driveway up the hill to the doors of the church and the handicapped parking area. This driveway was steep. We brought all kinds of stuff to ride up and down that hill. We rode bikes, roller bladed, and even rode in our Radio Flyer Red Wagon.

That's right two preteens climbed aboard that Radio Flyer at the top of the hill holding onto the handle from inside and using it to sort of steer. That red wagon flew like the wind down that steep hill. It was a terrifying ride. You basically hurtled down the hill far faster than you could control any kind of steering. Since it was a wagon it had no brakes. Thankfully the parking lot was wide enough at the bottom that we could coast to a stop or at least slow down some before we crashed... And crash we did. We crashed into trash cans, rocks, and just toppled the wagon over many times. Finally, the poor Radio Flyer died. The rubber tires wore out to the point of blowouts where the rubber was flying off in big chunks as we flew down the hill. I found out at that early age what awful crashes you can have with blowouts.... even in a little red wagon.

Stupid People are Everywhere

As a teenager and college student, I worked at a couple of tourist places. One of the first things I learned at 16, working as a tour guide in a cave is that stupid people are everywhere. I don't mean slightly stupid people, I mean absolutely nonsensically idiotic.

Me in high school... the very figure of authority

In the cavern, there are many places that have chained off areas that say do not enter and areas with railings. I cannot tell you how many times people would try to cross these barriers, and rarely were they children. More often than not it was grown adults that were the problem. They would blatantly and obviously crawl under or over barriers... and they always got caught.

I would shine my flashlight on them and tell them they needed to come back on the pathway. They would look at me from the other side of the barriers and say, "I am not breaking any rules" or defiantly "You can't make me!" Usually, this resulted in a threat that we would have the police called because damaging the cave is a criminal offense.

One day a man, in his mid-30's or early 40's, decided to climb over the railing. I politely asked him to come back onto the trail. He rudely refused and then started to get belligerent. We were near the end of the tour and he had been quite frustrating all along.

As a 16-year-old, it can be quite difficult to maintain authority in a dark hole in the ground with rude people. As I was starting to get frustrated and was about to radio up that they needed to send someone down to escort him out, a woman comes up and says angrily, "Let me deal with him!" And she walks up to the barrier where he is standing and whacks him with her purse. With an evil gleam in her eye, she says "If you don't come back over here and behave I will take the car and go home without you." Then, she turned around and walked away. Turns out they were married and she was not happy with him. He came back over the barrier and was silent the last 10 minutes of the tour and apologetic as I was locking the gate on the way out.

A life lesson from that day...  as a wife take control of the situation when your husband is being a moron and if all else fails, whack him with your purse. It is a lesson, that as a wife, I am glad to have learned. One additional gem is that stupid people are everywhere.

Pillow Pets are Awesome!

Little Bear loves sharks and stuffed animals. We have never had a Pillow Pet before…. And after receiving this Shark Week Shark…. I am sad that we had never bought them before. Pillow Pets are awesome! This shark is SO SOFT. The shark is about 21 inches from tail to nose and 10.5 inches from fin to fin when folded up. When unfolded he is about 20 inches from fin to fin. The pillow portion is about 13 inches wide.

This Pillow Pet is awesome. When folded up it makes a great huggable shark stuffed animal. It is grey on the top, fins, and sides; the underside of the shark’s belly is white. There is a strap, made from the same soft material, that goes from one side to a Velcro spot on the other side. This strap is really cool because when it is not velcroed shut like a stuffed animal there is a flap that covers the Velcro to keep from getting scratched. 

The shark has hard eyes on the sides of his face. He has black lines for his gills sewn in. The stitching is great. There are no extra strings hanging down and nothing for picky little fingers to pull on. The mouth is made of a stiff felt. The back of the mouth is red and the teeth are a stiff white cut in pointy triangles.

The tag on it says the entire thing can put inside a white pillowcase and tied on both ends and put in the washing machine in cold water on a gentle cycle and let it air dry. I love that it can be washed. I have washed stuffed animals before and this works fairly well on washable ones. With all the germs and illnesses kids have been able to wash it is wonderful. 

Little Bear LOVES this Pillow Pet. As soon as I opened the box he grabbed it and ran off with it. He sleeps with it every night. The fur on it is still soft even after a couple of weeks of him cuddling it.

You can find the Shark Week Shark on amazon here.

I received this product free of charge. All opinions expressed are my own. 

We Will Meet Again Someday

Eight months ago my Grandma went to the hospital for shortness of breath. They said her heart was failing and there was nothing they could do. She was dying and my heart was breaking. My life was a hectic mess at the time and due to extenuating circumstances, I couldn't go home to see her.

She was in the hospital for five days. The time came where we knew we needed to say goodbye. Thank goodness for modern technology. My parents were at the hospital with her and my mom had her iPhone so Little Bear and I got to FaceTime with her.

My Grandma was not good with technology. She was always amazed by videos and pictures on people's phones. She was even more amazed by live videos. We could talk to her and see her and she could see us just as we were.

Grandma talked about all kinds of things. She was on a roll that day. Everyone had come to visit her. She had gotten to see some of her kids, some of her grandkids, and some of her great-grandkids that day, and she got to FaceTime with us. She was happy. For someone in the hospital, she was extremely joyful. You could tell she didn't feel great, but she was happy. Her loved ones had gathered around her as best as they could over the last few days.

My Grandma, she knew where she was going when she was done in this world. She was going home, to heaven. She was going to be with her Lord and Savior, and her beloved husband. She was at peace with the world.

As we talked, I knew she was ready to go and it would not be long now and I knew she knew it, too. The whole conversation I laughed and talked with her, but as soon as it ended the tears came. Less than two days later, my Grandma had left this world. Heaven had gained an angel that day. Papa Bear and I celebrated her life at the beach that day. She loved the beach. We found some great shells that day. She would have been thrilled with my treasures.

I miss her always. I find myself tearing up more often than I would like to admit. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have picked up the phone to call her only to realize that it is not possible. While I miss her I know she is in a better place and we will meet again someday, but that does not stop me from longing to talk to her again here on earth.

My Favorite Place - An Introduction & A Little History

484 performing a blow down

Throughout my childhood we went on one vacation. Really, it was many vacations, but we went to one place. We went to Chama, New Mexico, and rode the Cumbres & Toltec Scenic Railroad. My dad is a train fan, but he loves this railroad most of all. These trips led to my love for trains. We rode the C&TSRR almost every year from the time I was in kindergarten until I was 18. As an adult my love for this railroad has not changed. The Cumbres & Toltec is my favorite place.

The water tank and coal tipple in Chama, NM

Since I now live on the East Coast, I have ridden quite a few other railroads, both steam and diesel, but the Cumbres & Toltec remains my favorite. This railroad is historic, scenic, and all around fun. It is family friendly and can be enjoyed by history buffs, train fans, people looking for something fun to do, by people of all ages. Riding the rails is a joyful experience.

Train coming up to Lava Tank

The Cumbres & Toltec Scenic Railroad runs from Chama, New Mexico to Antonito, Colorado, crossing the border eleven times along the way. Depending on which trip you choose, the journey can take anywhere from four to eight hours. The entire length of the railroad is 64 miles, much of that journey is traveled while winding up and down the mountains, sometimes along a 4% grade. On the Antonito end you will go through the San Luis Valley. This end of the route is beautiful in its own way. The landscape is no longer the lush green mountains, but a more barren land with beautiful views of mountains in the distance.

From the train looking 600 feet down into Toltec Gorge

During the ride you will see huge gorges, tunnels, trestles, mountains, valleys, rivers, and creeks. You can see elk, mule deer, cattle, sheep, horses, pronghorns and other wildlife from the train. The scenery is magnificent. Some of the sights you will see were used for advertising great American adventures, during the hey day of railroads. Even in these modern times the sights are stunning.

The railroad, originally built in 1880, is 3 foot narrow gauge. The original track was abandoned in 1969 and much of the track dismantled. Thankfully a group of rail fans and preservationists fought for the railroad and it reopened a few years later as the Cumbres & Toltec Scenic Railroad. It is now run by the states of Colorado and New Mexico. It has help with historical preservation from The Friends of the Cumbres & Toltec Scenic Railroad. The C&TSRR became a National Historic Landmark in 2012.

When you ride the Cumbres and Toltec your train will be pulled with an authentic steam locomotive. These locomotives were built between 1902 and 1925. The railroad also has many passengers cars, box cars, gondolas, and other assorted rolling stock.

Many movies have been filmed along the Cumbres & Toltec. Some of the most famous movies filmed here are Shootout with Gregory Peck, Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade with Harrison Ford, and Showdown with Dean Martin. More recently A Million Ways to Die in The West was filmed along the railroad.

Working on the drop bottom gondola

Many of these cars have been rebuilt by the Friends of the Cumbres & Toltec over the years. When I was 18, my dad and I helped rebuild one of the drop bottom gondola cars. It was an interesting experience. The work the Friends do to keep up with the historical preservation is wonderful. They help maintain buildings and many other things along the railroad line. The Friends also have docents that ride the train to help answer questions and give interesting information about the railroad, scenery, wildlife, and much more.

Riding the Cumbres & Toltec Scenic Railroad is always interesting. Each trip is a little different than the one before, so take a step back in time and experience the thrill of a steam train and the stunning landscape of the Wild West.

You can learn more about riding the train here. You can learn more about supporting the railroad and joining the Friends of the Cumbres & Toltec Scenic Railroad here.

Friends of the C&TSRR work week in 2001

463 in Osier, CO during the lunch stop

Sources:

History - Cumbres & Toltec Scenic Railroad. (n.d.). Retrieved July 12, 2016, from http://cumbrestoltec.com/history/

Latest News. (n.d.). Retrieved July 12, 2016, from http://www.cumbrestoltec.org/

Soaked: A Story with a Moral (For Parents and Children)

My parent's house is on the top of a hill. At the bottom of the hill is a dry creek bed. Growing up my brother and I spent a lot of time playing down the hill. One of our favorite places to play was in the dry creek bed, especially at the waterfall.

My baseball team - with some of my co-conspirators

The waterfall is a little cliff about 5 feet high. The limestone rocks are stacked so you can walk most of the five feet down like steps and then one large rock is like a steep ramp. We used this waterfall as a fort, a clubhouse, and just a resting place. When we had big storms, the kind that causes flooding, the dry creek bed became an actual creek. When there was water running in the creek that was the best.


When the water was running my brother and I would sneak down the hill. Mom would always yell after us to stay out of the creek. We never did. It never got deep enough to swim, but there would be enough to wade and splash. We always though Mom never knew.... We were stupid.

One time, when it had been pouring for days, the creek was running high. Some friends had ridden the bus home with us so my mom could take us to baseball practice. We had time before practice to play in the creek. We told mom we were going to play down the hill. She shouts, "Stay out of the creek." We didn't listen. We always planned to keep our clothes dry and we usually succeeded.

We went down to the creek.... The water was moving fast. The rocks were slick and we had been running through the creek like hooligans. One of my friends came up behind me and startled me.... and I fell. The water was about two feet deep. Which is enough water to soak you completely when you fall into it, when I say soak I mean completely and totally wet, head to toe.

Me at the "waterfall" last winter

We trudged back up the hill. Water dripped, sloshed, squished, and so on as I walked up the hill. When we got to my house there was no hiding that I was drenched. I walked into the house dripping water on the floor. Mom looked at me and says "I told y'all not to get in the creek." I responded with, "I slipped and fell in a puddle." This is a feasible thing for me. I am a huge klutz. I trip and fall often... But Mom knew better. We didn't get in much trouble. She looked at us and shook her head and sent me to change for practice.

We thought Mom was stupid. We thought she never had a clue that we always played in the creek when she said not to. Now that I am a mom, I know my own Little Bear does things I say not to and I realize some battles are not worth fighting. As a mom, I know him well enough to know he does them, but I have learned that you have to pick your battles and not all battles are worth fighting. So, moral of the story for kids: Parents are not as stupid as you think they are. Moral of the story for parents: Pick your battles, not every battle is worth fighting.

Just Like Me

As a kid, I talked a lot. I was annoying. Some would say I am still a chatterbox and annoying. My mom always told me that someday I would understand. Well... That time has come. I get it!

My son has every annoying habit I ever had plus the quirks he gets from his dad. Little Bear talks too much. He wakes up at what feels like the crack of dawn every day and starts his motor mouth. He chatters all day every day and sometimes he even talks in his sleep.

Photo by Fischelli Photography

During the school year, Little Bear regularly came home with an S for satisfactory or a U for unsatisfactory on his agenda for his behavior. Most days it was for talking and disrupting class. Papa Bear was always extremely concerned about this. I just remind Little Bear not to talk when he isn't supposed to and then we go on about our day. Papa Bear was at his whit's end one day about it and wondering why I was not more concerned. I finally tell him that I get it because that was me as a kid. Even into high school and college, I was regularly in trouble for talking in class. Even now, there are times I have a hard time not whispering to someone during church or a movie or a lecture if I have something to say. I try so hard to be quiet, but silence is not a skill I have acquired in my thirty-three years of life. So, multiple times a day Little Bear gets reminded to be quieter.

My Little Bear also tells it like it is. If he sees you doing something wrong he will tell you. It doesn't matter who you are. He has my habit of blunt honesty. At seven Little Bear is a little less blunt and a little nicer than I am in his honesty.

Little Bear also got my grouchy face. If looks could kill... His would and so would mine. I regularly get the evil eye and a mad face when I tell him to do something he does not want to do. Probably a normal kid thing, but the faces he makes are the spitting image of faces I make. Oh and the rolling of his sweet little eyes.

Little Bear got his listening skills from his father. You can tell him no and he thinks you said yes. He also gets his lack of attention from Papa Bear. He has a hard time sitting still and paying attention to his surroundings. Whether it is whose turn it is in a game, looking out the window in the car for wildlife, or listening Little Bear is not good at paying attention.

While my Little Bear is annoying just like me, he is also sweet and loving. He has a huge heart and cares about everyone. Even with all his good qualities, let it be a lesson to you that when your mother tells you that some day she hopes you kids will be just like you, it isn't usually a compliment. Try your best to be a little nicer and a little quieter and a little less of a pain in the butt because someday having a little person that is just like you will drive you nuts.